Stained windows glowing
But never showing the sorrow inside.
I am an earthquake on days like this
Where my heart aches for the One
Who is Water and Bliss.
But all my ecstasies wait for me somewhere in time
And my anatomy says that my body’s divine—
Never single, never alone again
But all this time it’s what I’ve needed
to feel whole again.
I slipped in through the corridor
Escaping the rumors and shouts of humanness
To meet with You my beloved One.
I waited longer today than I have before
But it seems that You’ve forgotten and I miss your kiss…
You say instead, “Meet my other son”,
And I feel that the risk
Is not worth what’s won
Because I need You now
And I’m unfamiliar with this.
You are Life
Yet this is my life…
Striving to feel You,
Wondering if I hear You,
Longing to know You.
I am thirsty, Water.
Drink me and let me fill You.
Make me nothing but pale blue
And a piece of matter in your oceanic commotion.
Make me only a host
and a sea of glass, a sail on a boat.
Because they’re hoisting the masts.
I am nothing but a sea of glass
A sail on a boat,
A holy ghost.
Some moments we just have to embrace all of the best things about life and by our will choose not to acknowledge anything that opposes that those gifts from God are good. Depression, stress and anxiety do not promote and propel us into bliss; they instead steal our joy, health, wonder, and dreams. I suppose this is why Paul says to only focus on those things that are “good, lovely, pure, and admirable.”
I must make an aim to always be drunk on love and happy about the good things however small they may be. It doesn’t mean that I’ll ignore the reality of evil tormenting those in the world or shut up my heart from having compassion. It just means that I allow JOY to propel me.
I am not living to make a name for myself or to become greater than everyone else. I am not in competition. I will enjoy the simple things and delight in pleasing the heart of my Father by enjoying each moment He gives to me.
WHY am I so friggin emotionally unstableeeee?? Like, I feel that my natural state is confident, happy and chill. But now that I’m in a relationship, I am suddenly some crazy bipolar chick with extremely low self-esteem and no backbone. Being alone can’t always be the solution, but it feels like the only one.
There were times when I mourned, wishing that I would finally begin living my life. Now I see that I was living more during those times than I am now and I regret that I didn’t embrace those seasons while I lived them.
I am here
I am now
With a million doubts and a burned down house.
I have no vision of the future
I am lucrative and strong
But I will never be won.
I am hanging on one word
One word of a sentence and not to my judgment
You say my heart is sweet but you trample it underfoot
With kindness I “mistook” for madness.
How did the greatest in all this self-exaltation
Dispel by his own mind
Every truth and hope in every lie
For his salvation?
Insecurity robs the kings of their power
And accusation is self-destruction anyhow.
Never to lean on another light than self
Is a sad, sad conclusion
To draw when you’re living out of an illusion.
I have to trust that your mind is being renewed then…
And even then, will I ever see you again?
My love, my love, my perfect one
I sing a song in hopes of your return.
Call it necromancy, but that man is still living
And I am awaiting this one’s dying.
I’m tired and I give up. Relationships are no fun when you shut down, but they also wreak the greatest emotional havoc when they’re unstable and you don’t. I thought I would be able to stop having to protect myself; apparently that was never true. Lip service. I often wonder if good things are even real or just borrowed ideas from another realm that I’m not in.
What were considered to be my weaknesses became my advantages.