Paranoia or honest eyes?
Are we in love or living lies?
I despise these ties
The way you monopolize me.
Tell me the truth; am I sinking in your sandy plan?
Are you making me nothing to step on my hands?
You sit on your throne, extending your hand to
Damn my heart to the cold, making me lack what I own.
I am back here again. I’m too drunk to swim.
I’m hollow and dim; I’m nothing to men
But a scarlet letter.
Stealing beats and compromise
Making masks for your enterprise
Close your eyes
And to your surprise
I am not shallow, I AM the sea.
I hate hating. I wish I wouldn’t always feel bound by others’ feelings. I wish I was known as something greater than a host to feed off of. I wish I would finally feel free to see, experience, taste, and enjoy all things. I wish I didn’t always have someone on the side trying to distract me from my desires by saying they desire me all the while never respecting me and never valuing me.
If I am grounded and unmoved, I am an insensitive, feminist butch with no gentleness.
If I give in to others’ manipulation, I am a pushover and I have no respect for myself or them. I am indifferent and compromising.
So where am I left? Am I being paranoid, or am I too intelligent for the world? Am I wrong for wanting to be alone after all of this? Relationships seem to only be an open door for someone to come in and steal my life and my joy by dominating over me. I would love to see someone actually desire to make me greater than themselves so that I could also make them greater. We could make the whole earth reach its potential together.
All I see is unspiritual carnality and insecurity. People spend all their time talking about themselves so that they may convince themselves to love their own identity, and that is true selfishness. Selfishness never begins with aggression and verbal abuse. Selfishness at it’s root is insecurity and self-hatred; it is when someone is not aware of the greatness of their own identity in Christ and so they feel the need to exalt themselves in the company of others. It is a type of witchcraft—self effort and talk to achieve love for self. It is also a poverty mentality and it is not confidence. Confidence does not have to talk itself up or exalt itself in the presence of men or God. Confidence rests in its identity and is exalted by it’s King without any help from it’s self. Selfishness will never bring you to a place where you are confident. It will only make you arrogant.
Treat yourself like a little girl.
Tuck yourself in,
take care of your body.
Feed your mind
and more importantly,
feed your body.
You are still growing,
and you will become
Michelle K., Little Girls and Women. (via michellekpoems)
Treaty yourself like a woman.
You are strong
with valid opinions.
Accept your emotions as
forgive your mistakes.
Spirit of Religion is the most nit-picky bitch.
Stained windows glowing
But never showing the sorrow inside.
I am an earthquake on days like this
Where my heart aches for the One
Who is Water and Bliss.
But all my ecstasies wait for me somewhere in time
And my anatomy says that my body’s divine—
Never single, never alone again
But all this time it’s what I’ve needed
to feel whole again.
I slipped in through the corridor
Escaping the rumors and shouts of humanness
To meet with You my beloved One.
I waited longer today than I have before
But it seems that You’ve forgotten and I miss your kiss…
You say instead, “Meet my other son”,
And I feel that the risk
Is not worth what’s won
Because I need You now
And I’m unfamiliar with this.
You are Life
Yet this is my life…
Striving to feel You,
Wondering if I hear You,
Longing to know You.
I am thirsty, Water.
Drink me and let me fill You.
Make me nothing but pale blue
And a piece of matter in your oceanic commotion.
Make me only a host
and a sea of glass, a sail on a boat.
Because they’re hoisting the masts.
I am nothing but a sea of glass
A sail on a boat,
A holy ghost.
Some moments we just have to embrace all of the best things about life and by our will choose not to acknowledge anything that opposes that those gifts from God are good. Depression, stress and anxiety do not promote and propel us into bliss; they instead steal our joy, health, wonder, and dreams. I suppose this is why Paul says to only focus on those things that are “good, lovely, pure, and admirable.”
I must make an aim to always be drunk on love and happy about the good things however small they may be. It doesn’t mean that I’ll ignore the reality of evil tormenting those in the world or shut up my heart from having compassion. It just means that I allow JOY to propel me.
I am not living to make a name for myself or to become greater than everyone else. I am not in competition. I will enjoy the simple things and delight in pleasing the heart of my Father by enjoying each moment He gives to me.